The long nights spent closing the books. The endless hours staring at spreadsheets trying to figure out why the numbers don’t quite match. The ever-growing list of tasks from the CFO, FP&A and, well, just about everyone else. Oh accounting… how I love you! The truth: Accountants really need a sense of humor to cope with it all.

A sense of humor may even improve a business’ performance. In a Robert Half survey, 78% of CFOs said the ability to make light of situations is very important or somewhat important in helping an employee fit into their business’s culture.

So here’s a list of the best (and in some cases, corniest) accounting jokes for those looking for a break from the daily grind or to lighten their team’s mood after a long day. There are jokes here for everyone—accounts payable, accounts receivable, CPAs, tax accountants and accounting students.

Jokes for Any Accountant

  1. A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers that he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
    The man below says, “Yes, you are in a hot air balloon, about thirty feet above this field.”
    “You must be an accountant,” says the balloonist.
    “Yes I am” replies the man. “And how did you know that”
    “Well” says the balloonist, “what you tell me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone.”
    The man below says, “You must be a manager.”
    “Well, yes I am” replies the balloonist, “how did you know?”
    “Well”, says the accountant, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect my immediate help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

  2. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

    “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says.

    “Have you tried counting sheep?” asks the doctor. 

    “That’s the problem — I make a mistake and then spend six hours trying to find it.” (Robert Half)

  3. What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It’s 9:18 a.m. and 12 seconds; no wait — 13 seconds, no wait — 14 seconds, no wait… (Email Stopwatch)

  4. What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance? A late night.(Robert Half)

  5. How do you know when an accountant is on vacation? He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8 a.m.(Robert Half)


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    Robert Half
  7. Why do accountants get excited about the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work. (Email Stopwatch)

  8. Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at. (Email Stopwatch)


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    LeaseAccelerator

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    MY HR DEPT
  11. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost. (Email Stopwatch)

  12. There are three types of accountants. Those who can count and those who can’t. (Email Stopwatch)

  13. What did the accountant say when he got a blank check? My deductions have finally caught up with the salary. (Ignite Spot Accounting)

  14. How was copper wire invented? Two accountants were arguing over a penny. (Email Stopwatch)

  15. Budget: An orderly system for living beyond your means. (Email Stopwatch)


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    LeaseAccelerator

For CPAs Only

  1. Did you hear about the cannibal CPA? She charges an arm and a leg. (Email Stopwatch)

  2. What does CPA stand for? Can’t Pass Again. (Email Stopwatch)

  3. A lady goes to the doctor and the doctor breaks the news to her that she only has the months to live.

    The lady says, “Doctor, what can I do?”

    The doctor responds, “Marry a CPA.”

    The dying woman is shocked and says, “What good will that do?”

    The doctor laughs and tells her, “Nothing, but at least it will seem like a lifetime.” (Crush The CPA)


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    Robert Half
  5. How do you know if your son is going to be a CPA? When you read him the story of Cinderella and get to the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden carriage, and he asks, “Is that ordinary income, or a capital gain?”(Robert Half)

Accounting Puns

  1. It’s accrual world. (Email Stopwatch)

  2. Be audit you can be. (Email Stopwatch)

  3. What does an accountant say when boarding a train? Mind the GAAP. (Email Stopwatch)


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  5. Why don’t skunks have to pay taxes? Because they only have one scent. (Sensiba San Filippo)

  6. How does an accountant stay out of debt? He learns to act his wage. (Crush The CPA)

Life Mottos for Accountants

ap humor
Pinterest

Surround yourself with assets, not liabilities. (Tumblr)

Crunching numbers is my cardio. (Redbubble)

Jokes for Tax Accountants

  1. What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him. (Email Stopwatch)

  2. Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter. (Email Stopwatch)


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    Robert Half
  4. An accountant, after reading a nursery rhyme to his child, says, “No, son. It wouldn’t be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking.” (Robert Half)

  5. For every tax problem, there is a solution that is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong. (Sensiba San Filippo)

  6. What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? Jail. (Doug Hay & Associates)

  7. The best things in life are free — plus tax, of course. (Sensiba San Filippo)